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Topics - Jessica HawlSera

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1
General Rotors / Sonic Forces himself on a Hooters Girl in Japan
« on: October 23, 2017, 12:54:59 AM »
Game comes out in like two weeks, do you think it's gonna suck, also what furry are you rolling? I'm gonna be a cat

2
General Rotors / Dongald Trump's Big Ass Wall
« on: November 18, 2016, 11:37:47 AM »
I just want everyone to know that regardless of what happens, I can't bring myself to hate any of you.

3
General Rotors / Sonic Mania
« on: July 22, 2016, 11:47:17 PM »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxmtYdEWVzo


This is... pathetic... I am legitimately impressed that it's not another "Sonic Only!" outting (getting really sick of that) but my God.... Sega's basically just given up and admitted they have no idea what they're doing. The game looks good, but it's basically a Sonic 3 Rom Hack, of course it looks good. I've got a whole folder of gems like that.

I can imagine that the conversation went down like this.

Executive: Okay we don't actually have the budget for a new Sonic game, any ideas?"

Producer: Wait! I've got it, isn't the new intern making a Sonic 3 Mod or something.. just release that."

Intern: Oh shit? Does this mean I'm getting a promotion?

Executive: No, I'm taking full credit for this, but we'll put your name in the special thanks...

Intern: It's something!

Producer: So, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles.... should we add some other characters to this so we don't look cheap, like Shadow, Metal Sonic, Sticks, or Blaze

Executive: Naw, that would involve effort

Producer: Okay, but Amy's basically part of the crew now and hasn't been a Damsel or anything for a long time... we're at least...

Executive: *Shakes head*

Intern: Sonic's 25th Anniversary!

Executive: Coming in the 26th Year! It's brilliant, they'll never see it coming!



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this game is a fucking joke.

All they need to do, was have Sonic be in Mobius/Sonic's World/Planet Freedom... WHATEVER THE FUCK you want to call it and have the game in 3D

Sonic Generations and Colors accomplished this and we love them

As opposed to

"Include Green Hill Zone, but call it something different"
(Heroes/Lost World)

"Real World, No Matter How Awkward It Feels!"
(Adventure/06/Shadow/Unleashed)

"But didn't they do that for Boom"

No Boom was a very generic cartoon world that feels far more Looney Tunes without a Soul than anything Sonic related.

4
General Rotors / Mighty No. 9 is a fraud
« on: June 21, 2016, 10:14:46 PM »
Taken from my blog - https://geminiweavermusings.wordpress.com/2016/06/22/mighty-no-9-is-a-fraud/

Oh shit, where the fuck do I begin? First off, I'm not a Mega Man fan but if this little piece of blatant copyright infringement from Infanue himself was my first exposure to the Blue Bomber and any related materials I would think people who are Mega Man fans should be spayed and neutered to prevent such horrible people from breeding.

The idea of Mighty No. 9 is to be the Mega Man reboot that Capcom refuses to make because of their highly immature call to basically cockslap the boy in blue because they're butthurt about Infanue leaving the company over a series of really bad calls that caused Capcom to put itself in the shitter. (btw, I'm not a Mega Man fan, but I am a Mega Man Legends fan. Still mad about 3)

As far as reboots go SJW Ghostbusters, Sonic Boom, DmC Devil May Cry, Michael Bay Transformers, and the New Saban Era of Power Rangers get a 10 out of 10 when compared to this shit.

First off, the problem is in marketing. This game is marketed towards adults, specifically fans of Mega Man who want another game in the series. So the fact that this is an overly kiddy game, with a very simple plot, and characters speaking in very friendly cartoonish voices uses as small of words as possible, but worst of all. Characters who feel the need to continuously speak saying the same catchphrases and bad jokes over and over again as though its scared that if it isn't doing so I'm going to get bored.

Are these lines unskippable, interrupt gameplay, unfunny, constantly repeating every single time you die, and placed right at the places where you'd die the most? You bet your sweet hairy musky delicious rim-job worthy ass they are! Oh and even in the cutscenes the characters do not move their lips.

The original Mega Man isn't really a series known for its edge (Though X was quite the tonal shift while Battle Network and Legends had their moments), but the way the game is written it doesn't feel like a throwback to the "good ol' days", it feels more like I need something bright and colorful to get a five year old kid to distract himself so I can get laid in the next room over without him bothering me about wanting to watch Veggietales or some shit.

The gameplay doesn't make this any easier, the game is both too easy and too hard, simultaneously. When fighting a boss, I don't even have to try, I can just take damage as though every bullet my face catches credits five dollars to my account. Fuck matching weaknesses up to other weaknesses, fuck memorizing the patterns of the Mighty Numbers, screw those "GOD DAMN IT! ELECMAN!" moments. Just press X the enemy is dead. The rest of the game isn't that hard either, pits are no problem, the dashing ability is infinite I can dash in mid-air as often as I want. Enemies are a joke, I just shoot them a few times and I can absorb them as power-ups which would be cool if the platforming wasn't broken.

The only times I die are in certain places where I can tell the game was not even remotely play-tested because the dash will often be the ONLY way to even BEGIN to reach platforms. This is only a problem because you'll almost reach the platform, you can tilt forward and undershoot it or dash again and overshoot it. I've lost the most lives to these segments and honestly only got past them out of luck. I didn't (nor did I see anyway to be able to) do anything different, sometimes it worked most of the time it didn't.

I only played two stages Avi's and Brand's. Brand's was infinitely more playable because he doesn't talk as much and you don't have wind constantly blowing in your face making broken platforming controls even less functional.

The dashing gets worse, enemies don't drop power-ups instead they glow. When they glow you can dash into them and absorb them for a temporary boost to attack, speed, or defense or for some reserve energy. This was cool at first except I started to realize that a lot of enemies are placed in ways where they can't be absorbed without killing you, which was really annoying on Brand's stage because I kept finding myself trying to absorb the health enemies only to die seconds later to a pitfall.

I cannot give this game props on any level, the voice acting is bad, the controls are bad, the character design is so similar to Mega Man's I'm surprised Capcom didn't sue for not filing the serial numbers off well enough.  The graphics are REALLY ugly

Oh one final note, on the first day of the game's release there's a dlc called "Roy Expansion", a story mode involving the character Roy and some stages for Beck (the titular Mighty No. 9) where you can fight Roy. These stages have lore that is canon to the overall story. So pieces of the story mode chopped out for day 1 DLC... I could cut it some slack if it was like an alternate costume or if you were just downloading the game's soundtrack like with Binding Of Isaac or Half-Life 2... but no.. the game cannot be beaten without the DLC to add the missing stages. KISS MY ASS! I didn't buy the Roy DLC, but I've heard the stages in it are far more playable and feel complete.

The graphics suck too, it looks really choppy and is very hard on the eyes when it's moving. In still pictures it doesn't look bad, so it's mostly the animation.

Here's hoping Red Ash doesn't suck.

The silver lining is that there IS a good Mega Man Clone on Steam for those who miss the Blue Bomber. Skip Mighty No. 9 and get 20XX instead. Hell 20XX even supports mods.

Oh need I remind you this abortion of a game had a 4,000,000 Dollar budget and a team of Industry Insiders behind it.... and fellas I gotta say. Mega Man has never slept more peacefully, Rock is GLAD that he's dead if this is what life would have had in store for him had he not died.

For reference Undertale was made by ONE GUY and had a Kickstarter for 40,000 dollars and actually IS a faithful "The Mother 4 You'll Never Get"

Hell Five Nights At Freddy's is now its own Merchandising Empire with a live action movie and a novel series (like Mighty No. 9 tried to get but failed).... and the first game in the series had a budget of 0 dollars from a failed Kickstarter plus the fact that it was made as a joke against his critics and not a serious attempt to make a horror game.

So I guess this proves that Big Names + Big Bucks do not always equal a Big Game.

If you're a Mega Man fan, skip it for your sanity you don't need this stress in your life, if you're like me and you're not super into Mega Man but play the games once in awhile.. get 20XX and Mega Man Legacy Collection, both on Steam COMPLETE WITH NO DAY 1 DLC DRAMA!

There are some other things I disliked (It feels weird not having a charge shot, I hated that about Mega Man 9 and 10), but... this... This sums up every reason I hated this smelly disgusting pile of dog shit. I think I'd rather get raped in an dark allyway than play this.

5
General Rotors / We need to get a bunch of cocks and suck them
« on: May 10, 2016, 11:40:46 PM »
...Seriously, no one's ever here or fun anymore. I miss the good old days where I literally couldn't post a fucking screenshot from "Nightmare Before Christmas Oogie's Revenge" with a stupid little comment without everyone complaining that I've gone too far, when literally everyone else was doing things even more random.


....Because of that I was always able to sympathize with Obama...

6
General Rotors / Seriously? No one else is gonna say it?
« on: April 29, 2016, 05:24:49 AM »
Sega now has LEGAL ROM HACKS on Steam, eyup, you can now get Sonic Rom Hacks off of Steam and play them in an official Sega Emulator. It runs like shit though, it lags and both Fatal Labyrnth and Eternal Champions magically vanish when you try to play them. Sega has took note and will patch it soon.

If you have ever dreamed of being able to play as Bunnie Rabbot in an official Sonic game this is as close as we're gonna get.... *looks to Kulock*

7
General Rotors / Ridedpet Adventures
« on: April 17, 2016, 03:10:56 PM »
It's a stupid youtube thing I started

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNjhgAoNoQI&feature=youtu.be

Thought I'd try and g et some subscribers.


8
Gaming Online / Anyone up for Hearthstone?
« on: December 13, 2015, 06:05:12 PM »
Anyone at all?

9
General Rotors / Life After Death
« on: December 13, 2015, 11:41:41 AM »
Any of you chaps and chicks believe in it?
Just out of curiosity.

10
Original/Creative Works / So I wrote a Christmas fanfic of FNAF
« on: December 13, 2015, 11:35:03 AM »
If anyone wanted a Christmas story to read

http://shifti.org/wiki/User:Hawl/Fazbear_Christmas_Carol

11
General Rotors / BY ALL THE POWERS OF EVIL!
« on: December 13, 2015, 11:32:16 AM »
Did you chaps know that Brutal Doom is the most FPS ever?

Anyway I'm back, while I was gone I became a published author. I've written three ebooks. One of them isn't out yet. I also regularly write for the online serieses Metamor Keep and FreeRIDErs. Oh I got into FNAF, because FNAF is great

Moving right along, anyone else donate to Psychonauts 2?

12
General Rotors / The Cure For My Pain
« on: March 01, 2014, 08:15:58 PM »
Is still 20,000 god damn dollars away
http://www.gofundme.com/788yn4

13
General Rotors / SER, I'm calling you out.
« on: January 11, 2014, 05:00:06 PM »
I'm going to be starting a fundraiser for my sexual reassignment surgery, to be sponsored by Geek Radio Daily and trying to get some roller derby teams (I know people) to sponsor it too.

I'm desperate and insane, which is why I'm asking for SER's help. When my fundraiser is up and running I plan on posting the details anywhere they can be seen. So I was wondering if you chaps would do me a kindness and spread the word once the details are out. Tell your friends, open minded family members, tell random people on the street, fuck print the url out, wrap it around a brick, and throw that brick into a stranger's house while they're enjoying dinner.

I know you people all hate me, but ya never know when an act of kindness will bless you and finally put your mind and boy in sync.

14
General Rotors / Whoops, I'm broken
« on: November 01, 2013, 06:55:30 AM »
Turns out I'm a robot from 2525 AD sent back in time to lead the second American Revolution with my very powerful moon lasers. My flux capicator is all rusted from Quantum Dust, I can't get Windows 2525 to load, Infared's all glitched up, and my arm is sparking.

15
General Rotors / *plays Sonic Lost World*
« on: October 31, 2013, 01:47:39 AM »
That's cute a Super Mario 3D Land clone with the worst god damn controls, an ill-placed super guide, platforming controls that work as bout as well as playing the REAL Super Mario 3D Land with my feet and a Slow As Fuck Sonic who requires a GOD DAMN RUN BUTTON to speed him up from... Snail's Place to Light Jog.

Wisp Powers that no longer use the joystick but instead a touch screen and motion controls that barely work hahahahahaha....

That's an hilarious joke Sega, so where's my real Sonic game? I admit, I got punked, your facelift of an Alpha build of the upcoming Super Mario 3D World was pretty funny. But uhh, no seriously, where's my Sonic game?

16
Original/Creative Works / Check out my comission
« on: July 16, 2013, 12:32:33 AM »
http://bayimg.com/bANBfaaem

I bought it from a chap named Immelmann this is my FreeRIDE Character Simone Betrand. Five Hundred years in the future people go to Zharus to get away from the horrors of Earth which has been taken over by the GOP. Simone here has permanently bonded to a robotic armor known as a RIDE which has left her as a creature known as an Integrate. A techno-organic robot called an Integrate. Simone retains her personality, but it is mixed with the personality of her RIDE Lucille. Lucille is a pleasure support armor skunkette.

Simone is a shapeshifter, her personality is more like Lucille's self-indulgent and nymphomaniacish way when in female skunk form, when mimmicking her birth body he goes by Simon and acts more refined, selfless, and gentlemanly.

Simone was once Simon, and left Earth to get away from his family who had become cyborgs due to his dislike of well cyborgs. Since Integrates are very similar to Cyborgs, she has since began to feel regret.

17
General Rotors / So the Supreme Court happened
« on: June 27, 2013, 07:50:22 PM »
The Republicans being asshats and calling this the end of America seems to just really be a Death Rattle. They realize now the only way they can stay relevant in an America that accepts Gay Marriage is the whole "We hate women" thing, but that hasn't been able to fly since the 1980's. I think they're just butthurt they've made their party completely unelectable.

What do I have to say about DOMA ending? Bout god damn time. I truly dislike this country, but stuck here due to lack of cash.

18
General Rotors / So I bought a game called Mighty Switch Force
« on: June 20, 2013, 04:57:05 PM »
And it sucks, it would be a good game but it's just so bare bones that I feel like I paid six bucks for a demo.

I was debating between this and Mega Man for my 3DS and damn did I choose wrong.

Also I was told this game was a hard mother fucker. It isn't unless you're trying to beat the Par Time, meeting the Par Time is undoable especially in later stages where it gets so ridiculous that you can only take ten seconds to do a stage. Even with puzzles like these which are so simple a three year old could piece them together it just aint happening that face. The game is way too easy and I find outside of the art style, character design, and 3D Effects there aint shit to this game. I had more fun with Metroid 2:Return Of Samus which is my third least favorite of that series (Beaten only by Metroid NES and Other M)

Also no ducking and not being able to jump very high? These so far are the only reasons I'm taking damage and that's just from not making jumps because I'm used to EVERY OTHER PLATFORMER EVER where you jump like Micheal Jordan on the moon. But I've never actually died.

Overall. Save your money, and if you really need a Wayforward title for your 3DS, just stick with Shantae.

Edit:Just died for the first time ON THE 9TH STAGE OUT OF 15! That's a cute reference to my favorite Sci-Fi game of all time. Super Metroid.

19
Because shut up we need one.

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General Rotors / State Of North Carolina you can suck it!
« on: June 16, 2013, 04:24:54 PM »
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2013/06/14/2161991/transgender-social-security/?mobile=nc
I'm not going to be labeled as a man for much longer...

This means once I get my surgery it'll be all over, years of a living nightmare, woman's soul being forced into man's flesh.... I could be free...

21
General Rotors / Boys can wear dresses in the new Animal Crossing
« on: June 14, 2013, 12:43:42 AM »
That's far more progressive than I'd expect, especially from a Japanese Company where a man is considered gay for eating dessert.

Course Mable does question it. "My, Aren't we feeling adventurous?" or "Are you buying that as a gift?"

Neat.

Combined with this and She-Zow, are we seeing the end of men not being allowed to act girly around the corner.

22
General Rotors / It's my birthday
« on: June 08, 2013, 07:49:18 AM »
*blows party favor*
I'm 1 in girl years!

23
General Rotors / The World Ended
« on: December 21, 2012, 09:03:43 PM »
Everybody okay?

24
General Rotors / I just got a 3D S as an early Christmas present
« on: December 17, 2012, 04:58:49 PM »
Mario Kart 7 is the only game I have for it though (All my DS Game were stolen eons ago... and I was at Lance at the E4.... sigh... SUCKS! I have never beaten Gold, my GBC game was stolen as a kid before my eighth badge... and the DS Remake also got taken. :( might try a third time to ACTUALLY FINISH THE DAMN THING along the line. Same thing happened to my Pokemon Black game...)

Here's a picture of it

Loving MK7 it's a huge step up from the disaster that was the Wii Version (Basically everything that wasn't Galaxy, Brawl, or Sonic Colors on that thing SUCKED, my brother got a Wii U. Loving Nintendo Land, but I wish Animal Crossing had a few more stages. Unimpressed with the Mario game on it, but Luigi's Mansion and Metroid Blast are tons of fun)

I can't wait for Animal Crossing:New Leaf, I've heard through the grape vine that I may get Pokemon White 2, Skylanders:Spyro's Adventure (Alright! Dark Spyro for my collection!) and Paper Mario:Stick Star (I hear the gameplay is a lot better than the story, but we'll see, I mean it can't be THAT much worse that Super Press Right And Do Nothing Else Until Plot Details Or A Boss Fight Happens... plus the game is bombing, maybe Paper Mario 3 will finally be that worthy third game in the series) for it for Jesusmas.

Reccomend me some games
I play on getting
-Mario And Luigi:Bowser's Inside Story
-Super Princess Peach
-Kid Icarus
-Star Fox
-Ocarina Of Time
-Mario's 3D Land
-Rumble Blast
-Sonic Generations

Anything else I should look out for? I'm really into fighters and action-rpgs.


Also if I hated the controls in Phantom Hourglass, will I get any enjoyment out of Spirit Tracks?

25
Gaming Online / Duke Nukem 3D:Atomic Edition PC
« on: December 14, 2012, 10:43:32 AM »
Anyone else wanna make this happen? And related, I have the gog.com version... does anyone know how to install mods and expansions into that. I have Nuclear Winter floating around.

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