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October 02, 2008, 11:09:44 PM
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noeko

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Warhammer Online!
« on: October 02, 2008, 11:09:44 PM »
So warhammer online is pretty good it is a game what contains the good mans and the bad mans and the good mans are sometimes short with beard and bad mans often have a tentacle just in case.

Anybody playing?  The people I know what play the game have Order on Skull Throne and destruction on Azazel.

October 03, 2008, 12:11:28 AM
Reply #1

Kyoma

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2008, 12:11:28 AM »
Neo's post doesn't do much to tell you about the game so I'll give you guys a crash course on some of the classes
Lets start with my favorite class
Magus: The game is called Warhammer not Lazyhammer!
Named after the legendary badass from Chrono Trigger
The Magus is devoted to doing as little as possible and makes his minions do most the work for him. most his damage is done through curses that deal damage over time but he also has some debuffs that are nice.
Pink Horror AKA Ozzie
Ozzie is a long range attacker who sits around and attacks from long distances with his demonic powers
Flamer AKA Flea
A demon with no taste for women who can hurl explosive flames at mid range distances.
Blue Horror AKA Slash
deals crippling close range attacks sure to kill anyone who is nearby
Floating Disc AKA Floating Disc
Your floating disc you ride on forever due to your devotion to not doing any work at all you have created a disc to ride so you never even have to move your legs but thanks to the disc you have become a bad role model ALL YOUR PETS HAVE LEGS (EXCEPT FLEA WHO FLOATS.) BUT CANNOT MOVE PERHAPS OUT OF PROTEST.
at level 20 everyone can buy a mount but the mount for magus is unique! it is a horse like everyone else but it also rides a disc! but the disc is larger and faster. the reason is the man who sells the deluxe disc refuses to sell it to Maguss because they are lazy and dont use it properly but once you purcahse a horse he will give it to you since the main purpose of a delux disc is for transporting livestock.
PRO HINT: You may find that other players ignore your minions and strike at you instead! This is because your pets are imaginary just like the benefit you give to the team.

Sorcereress: What if Gandalf was a naked elf woman?
Sorcereress hurls damaging projectiles but each time she does so she is reminded me of the atrocities commited by mankind and becomes more self destructive and may cut herself for 15% of her max health points. She has a skill that will remind her of happier things cuasing mild damage to a foe but makes you think of the happier times such as your childhood pet or when 56k was free as long as you could put up with a banner ad. you deal INSANE damage capable of taking off half a foes health or more in a single blow when rolling at maximum depression but you will frequently die by your own blade since the higher your depression the greater the chance you may harm yourself! at max depression you have a 50% chance to critical hit and deal like way more damage from criticals and a 50% chance to cut yourself for 15% of your max health!! if a foe has you about to die it may be best to spam a spell and seppuku so as to deprive him of any satisfaction in life.
PRO HINT: You can drag the banner ad to the bottom of the screen so the start bar covers it up so it won't get in the way of browsing! Enjoy your free internet with no downsides.

Engineer: Can we fix it? Yes we can! With sufficient time and the proper funding, some good hired hands and assuming the union doesn't go on strike AGAIN.
Engineer is a powerful character having not only a pistol but also a shotgun! His wrench can be used to repair things as well. He can build sentries that watch out for foes and fire at them but you need to watch them since they sometimes malfunction and explode for no reason. You should stand directly between the turret and any foes so that they don't shoot it and blow it up. you can also build teleporters to swiftly go between you sentries and the spawn rooms for more metal to upgrade your sentry. he can also build a dispenser that gives you more metal and ammunition while you are storming the enemy base. blow it up shortly after so that no enemies find it and know you are there.
PRO HINT: Keep your back to the wall so you can't be backstabbed and always attack any nearby characters for fear they may be a disguise.

Bright Wizard: What if Gandalf was on FIRE?
the bright wizard is so similer to the sorcereress class that they are actually currently engaged in a lawsuit. use all the advice for socrceress but remember that you use fire instead of sorrow and darkness
PRO HINT: try shouting I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE sometimes it kind of feels good and maybe increases your chances of criticals.

Black Orc: A minority that is the majority
Black Orcs are like Choppas except they are actually in the game. Choppa is the second orc class but it was removed from the game because it was flat out inferior to black orcs in the basketball scenario.
As a black orc you are able to be hit really hard and take it like a man because you aren't no pussy-ass choppa!! defend your allies by hurling mean words at foes to make them hit you! they may not understand orcish but the intent follows the insult all the same!
PRO HINT: You can use two handed weapons or one handed weapon with a shield! shields can block gandalf attacks but they aren't as cool as a huge sword. pick the sword and rush at the nearest ironbreaker! if you die just curse at the no jaw noobs who didn't do a good enough job healing you! if they had just kept you alive you would've finished off the ironbreaker in time to move on to the 3 witch hunters attacking the healers with a sword that still has a sorcereress impaled on it. do i need to call the fucking waaaghmbulence? christ i can't play this game for you but I could if you'd give me your username and password.

Witch Hunter: Thanksgiving comes early! All Destruction are turkeys to him!
You really hate witches so you've devoted yourself to hunting them... NOT WITH WATER BUT WITH A GUN. You also have a sword bu thats just for emergencies. Stay back and just shoot everyone! its as easy as it sounds. also you can turn invisible and you dress like a pilgrim.
PRO HINT: Some people will tell you to get into melee and stab stuff but they are just afraid you will top the charts in the pvp scenario so they want you to get killed so they can be numero uno baby.

White Lion: Watched Lion King about 50 times but still prefers Kimba.
The White Lion is a brave feline warrior that proudly commands his elven comrade in battle to aid in his ferocious attacks. White Lions are EXTREMELY FAST able to pounce on a foe or dash after them at high speeds. or run away after annoying the shit out of someone. A perfect class for people who love to rip foes to shreds with a little help from a pet.
PRO HINT: Yiff in hell furfag.


Squig Herder: Hey Billie Bob betcha I can round up 25 zerglings before you can! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWW
a goblin who has devoted his life to the raising and breeding of squigs. at a young age they go on a quest across the world to capture and raise powerful squigs and now they have brought them to help in the war. You stand back from the battle with a bow in hand and a spear on your back. send one of many squigs into battle and support him! You may only send in one squig at a time because that is the squig herders code if you violate it you lose the respect of the squig herder community and so squigs above level 20 will sometimes not respond to commands. You can command a normal squig, a horned squig and a gassy squig. if you betray the squig herder code your squig might devour you but this is not the end of life! you can command your squig from inside and use him to armor and protect you from attacks!
PRO HINT: You can detonate a squig but beware as this will cost you a lifelong friend!

Marauder: Why don't you turn your arm into a penis and fuck yourself with it?
Oh my god! Its a maraud! i'm telling ya'll its sabotage at level 10 when you can sabotage siege cannons to make them explode if a player tries to use them. but most important Marauders can transform their arm into many deadly forms such as a claw, a sword, a club and even a human arm! each arm has unique skills such as the hammer arms ability to be swung like a wrecking ball to strike many nearby foes! unfortunetly the arm cannot be transformed into a friend which is something you will have in short supply seeing as how nobody plays marauders.
PRO HINT: When you join a pvp scenario be sure to let the group know you are a Marauder! They are in short supply and are VERY valuable to the team! It is amazing that nobody plays as such a cool class! Remember to use your hammer arm and fly into huge packs of Order players and unleash demolition and wrecking ball! if you die please remind people that you are a marauder and so maybe next time they should not allow such precious cargo to die.

Chosen: Pikachu! I Chosen you!!!!
I choose YOU to be chosen! chosen are huge armored knights capable of unleashing auras that weaken foes but strengthen allies! they can do many interresting things like increasing your toughness while making nearby foes frail! or making it so anyone who tried to cast a spell bites their tongue and takes massive damage!!! You can use a huge sword or a huger shield with a smaller sword! Make sure you CHOSEN WISELY. ;)
PRO HINT: You may not kill as fast as Black Orc but atleast your dps class didn't ABANDON YOU because your a total douchebag!


NEXT UPDATE: Maybe I'll review more classes! But for sure I will discuss the PvP instances known as Scenarios! Its like Team Fortress 2 if it was an MMORPG!
« Last Edit: October 03, 2008, 11:04:20 PM by Kyoma »

October 03, 2008, 05:31:31 PM
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Kyoma

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2008, 05:31:31 PM »
Hello again jackasses! This is my 100th post! Welcome to a special issue of WARHAMMER MASTERY
Its time for part 2 of my amazing guide to becoming a Warhammer Master! Today I am teaching ya'll about SCENARIOS
Whats a Scenario you ask? SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP. shut up.
If you've played World of Warcraft a Scenario is like a Battleground except there is no difference. If you haven't played WoW maybe you've played Team Fortress 2! A Scenario is like a map in there where there are two teams and an objective and you fight over it and at the end you get experience and renown (you have renown ranks which unlock new gear and can be used to advance your character in other ways.. Like honor in WoW.)
Now lets discuss the Tier 1 scenarios you can play from level 1 to level 11.

Nordenwatch: The Order vs Chaos scenario.
Each side starts on a seperate end of this island. Destruction has a Barracks infront of them when they spawn and Order has a lighthouse because little fuckin' pussy babbies are afraid of the goddamn dark. in the middle of said island is THE FORTRESS it is worth double the points of the barrack or the lighthouse so you should hold it and never do anything else at all even if the other team has a lead in points and has just capped the barracks and lighthouse if you go for lighthouse it is guranteed they will take the fortress they just WILL OKAY?? LISTEN TO THE GUY SCREAMING AT EVERYONE TO STAY AT FORT. If you take Lighthouse they WILL take fortress as revenge its best to just sit at the fort and wait for them to make one huge focused push that wipes you out so they can take the fortress and you won't have any other areas captured to fall back on. every couple seconds you get points based on what places you have control of.
PRO HINT: You are a solid object that people cannot move through so if you clog up the bridge leading to the fortress then Order won't be able to get through! This is rather inconsiderate of you to do since battles must always be fair! MOVE YOUR ASS FATTY ORC.

Gates of Ekrund: The Stunties Vs Greenskinz scenario.
Here you battle over a big fortress inside a gate or something. theres once again 3 areas to capture inside the tiny as hell gate this map is guranteed to end REALLY GODDAMN FAST which is a good thing if you want to just win or lose really fast! This map is kind of mean since dwarfs have engineers and they have big guns and can snipe you from the roof of the fortress overlooking the central objective but you cant do the same so easily because squig herders kind of suck ass at dealing damage! also dwarfs have ironbreakers which I will talk about later.
PRO HINT: The catapults next to you where you spawn are not just for show! If you click them they will launch you to the fortress! Take advantage of this as a black orc! if you land where nobody can hit you just use /cheer over and over again to encourage your team!

Khaine's Embrace: High and Mighty Elves vs African American Elves scenario.
It is a religious war in this scenario! In this map you have an altar and they have an altar! Control both altars to win! once you do the god Khaine will be REALLY pleased with you and will give you his divine blessing! Khaine is the god of kindness and having him on your side is REALLY AWESOME.

   Khaine showing his love by bathing half the scenario in love.
PRO HINT: There are tunnels you can go through to avoid walking down the main road to the other altar! The caves are small though so don't use them if you are claustrophobic! If you are claustrophobic maybe see if you can also control weather!

Despite these Scenarios being themed after wars between the races ANY race can queue up to play in them! Dark Elves do not have a tank class so joining them as a black orc or chosen will make them angry at you because you are just rubbing it in. >:(
Now for general PvP advice!
See those guys in the back wearing dresses? They are not just crossdressers! They are also GANDALFS! They are unimportant though so just ignore them and tell everyone to focus on the big armored guy! Look at him! his health keeps rising for some reason! HE MUST BE HACKING! The sooner you kill him the better! Do not be distracted by gandalfs!

MORE CLASSES TO DISCUSS:
Ironbreaker: We like our clothes like we like our women! Wrinkled.
THIS IS ONE BAD MAMMA JAMMA! they are tiny but strong! they just do not die! maybe its witch craft? eiher way if you see one attack it brutally and ignore everything else since you need this guy dead quick because he takes forever to die! It'd be horrible to let him live while other cloth wearing fags stay alive! if you are playing as one remember to always attack armored foes so you can break the iron they wear.
PRO HINT: you are able to make people your oath friends whenever you want! but you are not very loyal and can quickly break up with them without them even knowing it!!! when your oath fuck buddy is in danger you become STRONGER! live onn the edggge of a kniiiife

Shadow Warrior: A ninja knows no fear!
A very viable class able to throw shurikens, wield a katana and even place sticky bombs on foes! Do not discount the uzi or rocket launcher either! Shit I had to use an FAQ to actually reference Shadow Warrior since I haven't actually played the game.
PRO HINT: Actually all you have is a sword and a bow so just shoot shit and stab stuff until you have enough morale to use your point blank shot and blast people off cliffs.

Shaman: Na-Nu Na-Nu!
The healing class for goblins with an interesting twist! every time you cast a healing spell you anger Mork! Mork powers your attack spells! By really pissing him off you can cast attack spells faster! Every time you cast attack spells you moderatly displease Mindy! Causing you to cast healing spells faster! Finding the middle road between Mork & Mindy is the secret to success!
PRO HINT: Whatever happened to Pam Dawber? I thought she was pretty good! Did Robin Williams suck up all her talent like a crazed talent vampire after Mork & Mindy ended? Maybe you can solve the mystery by playing as the Shaman!

Swordmaster: Shockingly not a Drizzt.
the high elf tank is the skillful Swordmaster! They are masters of swords and are capable of killing people with swords and can defend allies with swords! also they can insult with swords! Infact at the age of 20 they become married to a sword!
PRO HINT: Use your sword to cut through foes! Maybe make smart comments like "That guy will have a splitting headache!" or "SLICE to see you!" or "Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

Witch Elf: a bad witch that is a good witch to play as!
the dark elves sneaky melee damage class is GIRLS ONLY. witch elves use two daggers to stab people and kill them really fast but they don't wear anything at all so they die really really quick! be sneaky or be dead!
PRO HINT: Don't try swimming! You are a bad witch like Margaret Hamilton and not a good witch like Kristin Chenoweth!

That is all for today, dickless assholes! I'll see you later with more information on how to be a Warhammer Master!
« Last Edit: October 03, 2008, 11:08:26 PM by Kyoma »

October 04, 2008, 05:14:55 AM
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Josh

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2008, 05:14:55 AM »
*Staunchly REFUSES to read Kyoma's post, as doing so in January ultimately led to him to be addicted to Team Fortress 2, leading to hundreds of wasted hours this year*

October 04, 2008, 02:39:15 PM
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Seph

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2008, 02:39:15 PM »
I refuse to read his post because when I tried out Warhammer Online I found it boring...
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October 04, 2008, 04:02:04 PM
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noeko

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2008, 04:02:04 PM »
I refuse to read his post because when I tried out Warhammer Online I found it boring...

yet you still play city of heroes..............

October 04, 2008, 05:20:21 PM
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Kyoma

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2008, 05:20:21 PM »
shiiiiiiiiit I could write a City of Heroes guiiiiide.

October 04, 2008, 06:10:33 PM
Reply #7

Kyoma

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2008, 06:10:33 PM »
WELCOME TO WARHAMMER: AGE OF WRECKONING AGAIN
in the last update I covered the scenarios which is the only thing you should be playing since this game is all about PvP and only an idiot would do but PvE does exist because you have to do something while waiting to get into Nordenwatch DONT THEY KNOW YOU READ THIS GUIDE? YOU NEED IN NOW SO YOU CAN PWNZOR THOSE NOOBICES. (thats n00b + novice and so its a super insult that we pros use.)
lets start with the TOME OF KNOWLEDGE!
It is a book of stuff that logs everything you do! Did you just walk up to a portal to hell? The book now will tell you the lore about that portal! Did you kill a 6 breasted whore demoness of slaanesh? Now its in your tome to read about whenever you want!
ALSO you can unlock titles to show under your name which is a new revolution to MMORPGs! example if you target yourself 50 times you get the title of OW MY EYE and if you fall off a cliff 15 times you get the title of AAAHHHHH or I guess if you actually rock at the game you can get titles like ADVENTURER and GENERAL! if you have OCD this is the thing for you!!
PRO HINT: Books are usually boring but these books have pictures too so its okay!
Now lets get to GAMEPLAY because we didn't buy this game to read a goddamn book!
PUBLIC QUESTS ARE A NEW REVOLUTION and not a new revolution like Guitar Hero 4 being the first game to allow you to drum and sing on a mic as well as play guitar or bass!!
Certain areas have Public Quests (Called PQ's by us pros who are too busy owning noobices like you to actually type out a full word.) in these PQ's (Public Quests) you get an objective like KILL 50 BANDITS! Oh my GODDD kill 50 bandits? What is this gay shit? am I playing WoW or CoH agaiun?? NO! YOU AREN'T! In Public Quests (PQ's) EVERYONE WORKS TOGETHER!! If you kill a bandit BOOM! One less bandit to kill to clear this stage! If that no jaw noobice kills a bandit? one less bandit! This is what we experts call TWHTGWF. (Teamwork Without Having To Group With Faggots.)
everyone works together even if they are not in a team! After you kill the 50 bandits you move onto phase 2! OH MY GOD THE BANDITS ARE RAIDING THE FORT AND KILLING THE GOBLINS! SAVE THE GOBLINS! IF 20 OF THEM DIE ITS GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER! so you kill bandit bosses to protect the goblins so they can man catapults or something and destroy the bandits! NEXT STAGE! King Bandit Bob marches in and screams in voice acted glory "ALL YOU PUNKS IS NEWBIES!" you ain't gonna take that you just killed like 70 bandits! How hard can this guy be? STOP!! He is a HERO this means he is VERY STRONG! everyone must work together to kill him before the timer runs out or else the PQ (Public Quest) resets back to stage 1 again! Okay you killed him! OH MY GOD A HUGE GLOWING GOLD CHEST JUST DROPPED FAT LOOT IS MIIIIINE YOU SAY? NO. SHUT UP.
Now for the part that requires the most skill of all! Look a scoreboard appeared! everyone is numbered now see you are pro so you are in #1 because you did the most damage or healed the most or something! Way to go! Maybe I'll make a no jaw noobice outta you yet? PROBABLY NOT. LOOK! It says you earned a bonus to your roll! Whats a roll you say? EVER PLAY MONOPOLY? Its like that! Only times a HUNDRED. See now it rolls a random number and adds your bonus to it! Yeaaaah fuck yeaah you rolled a 837 and got first place! Now you get to grab a bag from the chest inside this bag is like 5 items and you can pick ONE why one when you won the damn bag? I DON'T KNOW I'M NOT THE PQ (Public Quest) FAIRY! TAKE IT UP WITH THAT BITCH AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
Pro Hint: Sometimes you are too awesome and come in #1 but roll a fukken 3 and come in dead last. This sucks. But just as often you will walk by and kill like 12 bandits or heal some faggot just a little bit and come in dead last for not helping at all but roll a 937 and come in first as everyone goes "WHO THE SHIT IS KINGPWNZ? I DID NOT SEE HIM HELP AT ALL." it is considered common courtesy at this point to shout "LOL! OWNED!"

IT IS TIME FOR MORE CLASSES!

Warrior Priest: Not a man of the cloth! You wear MEDIUM ARMOR!
A warrior priest is a class that can heal AND beat the shit out of the noobices! Infact you kind of have to! You need to smash peoples faces with a hammer to build up holy power that is used to cast heals! Slam some faces and heal your own!
PRO HINT: You can heal other people too! But they are likely no jaw noobs so don't bother! I dont see anyone else healing other people anyways!

Rune Priest: Not RUN Priest!
A dwarf priest that can place runes on buddies that can be triggered to do stuff! also you are short so people may not click on you as easily!
unfortunetly it is RUNE priest and not RUN priest so dont espect run speed boosts unless you like pressing FLEE a lot. (you should anyways.) but you'd just trip on your beard anyway.
PRO HINT: if you quit your team you wont have to share renown!!! now you can just heal everyone and rake in the renown but being with friends is educational so you wont see much experience!!

Zealot: Am I a Dragoon yet???
Just like Rune Priest except you get to use a knife and hold a skull in the other hand! Also you eventually get kewl plague doctor type masks!
PRO HINT: Skulls are cool! Did you know there is a skull in your head too?

Disciple of Khaine: DUAL SWORDS HECKKKKKK YEAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Like the Warrior Priest except instead of using a hammer you get to use TWO SWORDS like some kind of ninja priest! Stab some bitches and heal yo self be4 dey hurt yo self.
PRO HINT: Always use Dual Swords to make up for the fact that you look like a total faggot.

Archmage: Its like being an archnemesis except you heal people and arent evil
This is the mirror of the Shaman! But the Archmage did not grow up with Mork & Mindy so it has some pathetic rip-off thats just DARK MAGIC and WHITE MAGIC! Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.
PRO HINT: Elves sure do suck dont they? They never even saw Mork & Mindy! Why would you even play as one?

THATS ALL FOR TODAY next update will feature specifics about some PQ's.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2008, 08:52:05 PM by Kyoma »

October 04, 2008, 10:38:34 PM
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Seph

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2008, 10:38:34 PM »
I refuse to read his post because when I tried out Warhammer Online I found it boring...

yet you still play city of heroes..............

I don't find it boring. Fathom that =P
-Seph
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October 05, 2008, 07:36:58 AM
Reply #9

Kyoma

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2008, 07:36:58 AM »
Maaaaaannn tonight was a night to remember. Me and drak made two dwarfs he was an Ironbreaker and I was a Rune Priest and together we changed the world.
We charged through the RvR area and encountered a Squig Herder and he was all kinds of scared when he was me and then he saw drak and he was like "I am so out of here I'm just a squig herder what the hell do you even expect?" and so we continued to a tower and we decided to capture it so we diced and nuked our way past all the orc dudes and made it to the boss when the door to the tower opened again aw man its that Squig Herder trying to capitalize on us being busy with the boss.
Unfortunetly he was not aware that we were the mans and he was the dude who sucks. Even with the boss beating on drak we just focused on the dude who sucks and he got flattened and we looked back at the boss and said "Oh are you still here?" and pounded him into a month ago next thursday.
We went to the top of the tower and killed the rest of the goblins there and flagged the tower and they get 3 minutes to come and kill us or re-flag it so they don't lose control over it but they didn't manage to do that so we won control. We moved onto the cannons and took control there and thus had full control over the dwarf territory and so we marched over to orc land and continues to beat down some bosses and clobber some minions and made it to the final area to control right infront of the entrance for Chaos players. Some other guys came by and helped us and we took control but reinforcements came and seperated me from drak as some Chosen asshole tried to go all chop suey on me and no matter how hard I tried to apologize over leaving the keys up on the table it was just no use. I died.
This earned me the title of "The Chosen One"
..We took over all but one area and earned crazy exp and renown from doing it so I'd say it ws a pretty awesome night. Destruction will be slightly annoyed at having to pay more for items and gaining less renown now! ...Until they take it all back again.. But that just means we get to kick more ass again tomorrow.

October 05, 2008, 02:36:28 PM
Reply #10

noeko

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #10 on: October 05, 2008, 02:36:28 PM »
I refuse to read his post because when I tried out Warhammer Online I found it boring...

yet you still play city of heroes..............

I don't find it boring. Fathom that =P

oh........ you poor, poor creature.......

October 05, 2008, 04:47:13 PM
Reply #11

Seph

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #11 on: October 05, 2008, 04:47:13 PM »
so Neo enjoying generic fantasy MMO #5520?

(Actually, in all seriousness, Warhammer looked like a good game, I just couldn't get into it. The Magi are kickass though)
-Seph
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October 05, 2008, 06:02:52 PM
Reply #12

noeko

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #12 on: October 05, 2008, 06:02:52 PM »
Just wait a year or two and I can snap back with a snarky remark about playing an out-of date, behind the times, dime a dozen hero MMO!

(The stuff in i13 and 14 looks pretty exciting!  Pleased with Kheld buffs and lols at the level syncing.  WAR is pretty good so far but it kinda needs time to work out the kinks.)

October 05, 2008, 11:22:05 PM
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Kyoma

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #13 on: October 05, 2008, 11:22:05 PM »
CoH will be crushed by DCUO because DCUO actually lets you make a fat character! Soon the world shall fear THE TRANSFAT TERROR.

October 24, 2008, 04:02:11 AM
Reply #14

Kyoma

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Re: Warhammer Online!
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2008, 04:02:11 AM »
Welcome to yet another episode of whatever the hell this is about.
Today we will discuss CLASS BALANCE! The game is fairly well balanced except for the fact that many classes have mirrors so one can guess that one mirror is maybe a bit better due to unintended thingies! We shall start with the most obvious...!!
BRIGHT WIZARD VS SORCERESS
These guys just blow shit up and try not to die in the process! However BW's pretty much do everything a Sorc does but better! Many masteries a Sorc has to buy with mastery points are actually inherent to Bright Wizards! Also BW's do more damage and many spells they both have are instant cast for BW's while sorcs have like a 2 second cast time! What this means is that BW's can totally cast these spells while running away from you! BASTARDS! BW's are pretty much globally accepted as being the most overpowered class in existence right now !! I am sure Mythic will fix it once they look at the stats and say "Why the hell are these guys Sorcs but better in every way?" and just add cast times an' shit.

WITCH HUNTER VS WITCH ELF
Both run around and stab shit (Though WH also shoots shit with a pistol.) but Witch Elf pretty much does it better since she has a cooler gimmick that lets her buff herself and I guess WH doesn't. ALSO THANKSGIVING is coming up! Maybe now is a good time to buff our turkey loving pilgrims?

ARCHMAGE VS SHAMAN
Shaman seems to be the best goddamn healer ever and deals good damage! Archmage doesn't seem to shine quite as hard as Shaman does despite them being pretty much the same! Shaman has a spell called Yer Not So Bad that steals AP from a foe and gives it back to the Shaman, Archmage has the same spell but it recharges quicker and.. doesn't give it back to you! You just snatch the AP and throw it in a nearby garbage can and say "WELL FUUuuUuuuuUUUCK YOOOU, PRINCESS."

IRONBREAKER VS CAPCOM 2: NEW AGE OF HEROES
Destruction doesn't have a mirror to Ironbreakers but if an Ironbreaker DID take on Capcom I think the Ironbreaker would win since he can just knock Ryu across the screen and onto his ass and pound him in the balls then the Ironbreaker would tag in Chun-Li and let her get her ass beat so that the Ironbreaker builds up more grudge and tags back in and deals a shitload more damage and kills Ryu and Servbot.

MARVEL VS CHOSEN
Order lacks an answer to Chosen but it doesn't matter since Chosen isn't that good and is likely the weakest tank right now. Wolverine just spams Berserker Barrage and wins; also mistakes Chosen for Juggernaut.

CHOPPA VS HAMMERER
Oh wait neither of them are in the game.

IN DECEMBER WE GET TWO NEW CLASSES: DARK ELF BLACK GUARD and EMPIRE KNIGHT OF THE BLAZING SUN. Black Guard is the long lost mirror to Ironbreaker and Knight of the Blazing Sun is the mirror to Chosen and looks like Don Quixote.
Black Guard should hopefully have all the insane knockback the Ironbreaker has and thus Destruction will also know the fun of punting everyone into lava and earning absolutely no exp and renown for it.

NEXT WEEK: The Paternity Results are in! Who is the father of Catherine's baby?! The answer may very well shock you! .....And HIM!